Well I have a quick Christmas update. First, feliz navidad! Second, I’m in a funky mood, so forgive me this time. For those of you back in the states I miss you more than you can know this holiday season. I miss everyone/everything so much it hurts to think about missing Christmas. As my first Christmas away from home (and I am bien lejos) this year, I spent most of Christmas Eve feeling pretty sorry for myself and in generally a foul mood. I of course had to keep a half-smile on since I was out with the jovenes (youth group) throwing a Christmas party in one of the little campo towns, but afterwards my host brother saw through it and called me out. We were riding in the back of the camioneta (truck) heading back to my town from the campo. He nodded then said “well we’re your family now” and pointed to all of the jovenes. I laughed and explained that I was really happy with that but that it isn’t even close to the same. He accepted failure and settled to just try to cheer me up. Then I got hit in the face by an overhead branch as we sped through the dirt roads. But after laughing it off, I realized I felt better that he (and all the jovenes as they were listening in) knew I was missing my country and my family – makes them understand what sacrifices I am making by being here (which I know are totally by my own choice so I don’t really have anyone to blame but myself). I’m glad I have adapted the ‘what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger’ attitude regarding my Peace Corps service. I keep telling myself, well if I can make it through insert problem (dengue fever, dancing in front of this crowd, explaining sex to jovenes, and now Christmas away from my family) I know I can make it two years here. And of everything I’ve had to deal with, missing Christmas has been the hardest. I knew running off to hang out with other volunteers would help me ‘forget’ it’s Christmas and therefore not miss it so much, but I decided I wanted to celebrate Christmas normally, even if it meant putting myself through a little pain. So I decided to stay in my site and spend Christmas Eve with my host family. After 6 hours with the jovenes, I came home and showered off the caked dust from riding in the back of a truck on dirt roads for a couple hours. I had told my host mom I would come over after I showered to hang out, but I guess then decided I might need some help getting across the street so they sent the 10 year old girl and the newly bathed and dressed up dog to find me. I told her I’d be over soon and that I was just doing something for a minute. So I made the salad I promised to bring and packed up my computer, hard drive, etc. so I could show them pictures from back in the states (something I’ve been promising my host mom for 4 months and never gotten around to). The way it was described to me, they would all be hanging out, but as it turned out the 2 older boys were sleeping, the younger was running around with friends, and the mom and the 10 yr old girl were watching tv pretty unresponsively. So I got my computer out and played around on the internet for awhile. I had asked the 16 year old about going to church with him so finally around 8 we went. It was a very modern looking church, with a guitar/drum band, a projector with computer, and a very modern looking building. We sat up in the balcony and at first they just sung a few non-christmas songs and I was pretty bummed I signed up for 2 hrs of singing songs I didn’t know. But then they had some kids do a dance, had a little skit, and a few Christmas songs (same music, different words in Spanish so that the meanings of the songs were changed a lot). It was pretty interesting and I was glad I went, even though I wasn’t really following much of it I enjoyed just being in a place to think. Then my host brother handed me a little pamphlet that was stuck in the bible to look at. It was hate propaganda against homosexuals. The usual – “God hates gays and you are going to hell” with references to Sodom and Gomorrah to which my host brother laughed and asked me if I liked. I looked at him and just handed it back and say it was trash, rolling my eyes and said I could explain my viewpoint at a more appropriate time but basically I don’t like churches teaching people to hate others because of differences. Regardless of my religious beliefs, I don’t understand how churches can teach hatred to children, who this comic was obviously directed toward. Anyway we decided to peace out after about an hour and a half because I was hungry and I thought my host mom was joking when she told me we would be eating at midnight, so I was ready to get home and eat something. But when we got home, her and the daughter were sleeping and the brothers said ‘not a joke, we will be eating at midnight’. Bummer I thought, so I ran to my house to get something else and eat a few bites of chocoflakes cereal – mmm. When I got back the host brothers were horsing around and woke up the host mom, so I showed pictures of family/life in the states to the oldest host brother and my host mom. Oh, the dad had returned from AWOL and was sleeping off his day’s activities in the hammock outside. So after they got bored of seeing holidays in the states, pictures of our house and the 4 seasons we have, snow included, we started preparing to eat. As it turns out the midnight rule is more of a general thing, so we ate at 11:45. They carried the daughter to the table and made her pick her head up for a picture, and the host dad stumbled into the bedroom without eating or even acknowledging the presence of people in the house. But the rest of us who were awake enjoyed a yummy dinner of pavo (turkey), lettuce, potatoes, and a cheese crème with a side of chocolate bread and chocolate milk. It was delicious – the turkey was the best I’ve had in a long time (different but not better than how you prepare turkey mom). Then I handed out the little gifts I had for each of them, minus the girl who had gone to bed and the dad who had hopefully made it to the bed. The gifts were little things I had brought from the states to give them when I moved in 4 months ago but never had, so they worked as Christmas presents instead. To the mom I gave a little magnetic fishing game (the one where the fish spin around and open and close their mouths while you try to pick them up via their open mouths). The 24 year old got one of those stretchy squishy ball things with a flashing light inside that lights up when you hit it – to use in the discos because he loves to dance. The 20 year old got a magnetic 3 game set, with chess, checkers, and Parcheesi. The 16 year old got a 1 person jumping elimination game like the ones they have at cracker barrel. The girl got a mini butterfly kite and the host dad got one of the bowls dad made from wood that I brought with me. I also bought them a card that plays I wish you a merry Christmas when you open it, and I wrote them a short note about how glad I have them here. Lastly, the dog got a headband with reindeer antlers with bells, which the 20 year old host brother stole and wore around. They all seemed to love the gifts and it really made me feel happier to give them something and see how excited they were. After the brothers left to go out, the girl somehow woke back up and opened my gift and the gifts from the parents, so us girls (host mom, sister, and me) got to spend some time together before I decided to head home 

Though I have surrounded myself with people I have grown close to here, I cant explain how hard today was and tomorrow will probably be. I found myself tearing up over stupid things and just feeling miserably self-pitying for the last few days. And I know it is pretty ridiculous because obviously this is something I chose when I signed up for the Peace Corps, but seeing everyone else here spending time with family, and knowing back home they’re celebrating without me – it’s hard. I feel just like I felt the days leading up to leaving for Ecuador in the first place. I know it will pass, and as far as I’m concerned personally, this will be a huge emotional accomplishment as I have never spent Christmas away from home. But let’s just say I’m glad I will be heading back home for Christmas next year!

So as not to end on a bad note, I am extremely excited for a couple things tomorrow:
• opening my “presents” in the morning. I received several packages from my mom over the last week or so, and I've been saving them in the fridge (so ants don’t get inside and ruin anything) for Christmas morning. Tonight (as it was past midnight) I opened one of the packages and allowed myself to remove one item – an NKU t-shirt.
• I decided as my Christmas present to myself I was going to buy something special for Christmas breakfast (since we do a huge breakfast with family in the states) so I bought some gouda cheese. It was bien caro (expensive) but I have been thinking about it every time I open my fridge for the last week. I also have bacon left over from something I cooked for my host family, and today I went and bought from fruit so I can make a fruit plate. If I feel like it I also could make pancakes with yogurt – so many options!
• Tomorrow morning I also will be able to “spend” Christmas morning with my family in the states thanks to modern technology – aka internet, skype, and a webcam. If all goes according to plan they can turn on the webcam and I can sit and watch everyone open presents, and vice versa with my packages. If the internet is sucking, then I’ll just suffice to talk to everyone and hear about their presents 
• Finally, I’m going to meet up with a couple fellow volunteers and have a dinner with them for Christmas. I feel like hanging out with other Americans will be very helpful as we are all missing a lot and understand what we are all going through this time of year.

I am writing this because I wanted to share how I feel about being away from home, and also details of the celebrations here, but alas my blog has turned out pretty so I’m going to sign off and keep an eye out for Santa aka Papa Noel! Merry Christmas to all – Love and Miss you!